dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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