Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
