do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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