My sheets look like a crime scene.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
