ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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