Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
