Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
