I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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