I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
