the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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