I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
