There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
