fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
