I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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