i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I got inside last night via doggy door
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
