some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
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