She's JV to your varsity
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
