she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
What a dumb baby whore.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
