Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
