i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
