Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
