Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
