I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You made out with two different species that night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
