Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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