I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
