using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
