he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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