i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
