dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
