How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
