I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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