I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
