Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
