I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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