Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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