he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
