People in love make me want to vomit
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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