I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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