Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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