That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize