I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
