is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
