uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
