That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
A bitchslap is in order.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
