the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
