Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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