Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
