Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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