the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
