By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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