pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
