So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
