I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
