i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
