'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
