We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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