sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
