Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
