Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
