Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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