I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
