How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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