Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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