Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
