probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
