Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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