Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
