She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
