There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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