i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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