Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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