Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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