So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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