Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
